


Finding Peace

by Sabishiioni



Series: Hate and Love [1]
Category: The Almighty Johnsons
Genre: Angst, Gen, Spoilers for 3x02, Suicide Attempt, Tissue Warning, drug and alcohol abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-13
Updated: 2013-08-31
Packaged: 2017-12-19 08:26:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabishiioni/pseuds/Sabishiioni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders is through with this world and all of the pain and humiliation that goes along with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The Almighty Johnsons  
> Warnings: Read them.  
> Follow Me:[Tumblr](http://sabishiioni.tumblr.com/)  
> Mindless Babble:  
> Dedication: For Yensaha on Tumblr who encourages me to write Angst.

He stood at the edge of oblivion, letting the rain mix with his tears and wash away his fears. The pain, once so sharp in his chest, now dulled to a throbbing ache- a blessing from the drugs and alcohol flooding his bloodstream. Nothing could hurt him now.

Anders Johnson smiled as he looked down. It was no wonder his brother had chosen this place. From here, he could see the beauty of the city. The rain blurred the lights and made them into stars as if in apology for hiding the real ones.

He smiled at the sight and took out his phone, his foggy mind thinking he should take a picture so he would remember it. He snapped the photo and stared at it. His first thought was to send it to his brothers so they could share in the beauty with him.

_‘You have no brothers.’_

The thought tore through him, sobering him slightly. That was why he was here, in the place where his baby brother had announced to the world that he no longer had the love of his life. That same brother, whom he helped talk down, hated him with a passion to rival the brotherly love he had felt at one time. Anders knew, to the very core of his being, that Axl still wished him dead. 

Maybe now, he could give his brothers the one thing they all wanted- a world without Bragi. Having it be a world without Anders would just be the icing on the cake, wouldn’t it?

He moved closer to the edge and looked down. It was not fear that stilled his heart in that moment. Rather it was sorrow that filled him. He wondered if this was what Axl felt when he stood here. He shook his head. No, Axl had felt the pain of loss from only one person and the anger of betrayal from another. 

All Anders felt was the hurt. He bled from the wounds his family had inflicted on him with their outright hatred of what he had done. No one had blamed Gaia- that had been reserved for him alone. 

Anders closed his eyes, remembering. They had sounded so worried for him when the blood flowed from his neck. The fear in their voices sounded so real. The way Ty pleaded with him to keep his eyes open. For the first time in a very long time, he felt …loved. He wished it had been the last thing he heard.

But then Michel healed him and he had become nothing more than the butt of a joke, something to be laughed at. No mercy would be given to him for what he had done. Forgiveness would never be granted to him. Both his human heart and godly soul knew this.

Opening his eyes to look out at the cityscape one last time, he opened his arms and embraced his chosen fate.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The Almighty Johnsons  
> Warnings: Read them  
> Mindless Babble: This is now more of an AU storyline rather than a introspective angst-fest. Don't worry- still and angst-fest, just more story.

“ANDERS!”

Olaf dropped next to the still form of his second eldest grandson. There was blood mixing with rain and soaking into the blond hair. Immediately, a second image overlapped the man’s vision. This time the blood had gushed from the neck, leaving small puddles of red as he moved.

“Please…not again…”

He wasn’t sure who he was pleading with but he hoped that whoever it was, they would be listening. He reached out to find a pulse but yanked his hand back with a hiss. He scowled, remembering words spoken in anger.

_“I wish you’d stop hurting everyone you touch!”_

Odin’s decree had made it so Anders could no longer lay a hand on any living thing. However, the reverse was also true. It had been over a month since he had felt the touch of another on his skin. Even a simple handshake had been denied to the man who often hid himself from the world in the arms of a lover. And now, Olaf couldn’t even check to see how badly injured he was, hoping that the fact that he was still unable to touch the man meant that Anders was still alive. 

“Anders! Anders, wake up! Please!”

Finally, a soft moan answered him. It was amazing how one tiny sound made the world a less dark place. Olaf bit his lip, wishing he could do more to help. Finally Anders rolled to his back and his grandfather could see the small wound the blood had come from.

“Anders?”

Blue eyes fluttered open and another soft moan. “Still…here…? Damn…”

Olaf blinked. “I think the question is why you’re here, Anders? Why the top of this building?”

Anders closed his eyes. “Was supposed to be at the bottom…”

There was a sharp hiss as Olaf realized what his grandson had planned. “Why?”

“So…Axl can be with…Gaia again…” 

The rain continued down, showing no signs of letting up. It washed the blood from Anders’ face, making it even paler. Olaf longed to reach out and help the younger man to at least sit up, or get him out of the downpour.

“That’s not the only reason, is it?”

“Why would you care, Gra- Olaf?” Ander opened his eyes, turning his head to look at the other man. “How are you even here?”

The mortal vessel of Baldr flinched at the reminder that Anders no longer had a family. “You sent me a picture…”

It might have been a scowl if Anders had the energy. “Oh… I didn’t think I had sent to anyone…”

“Anders…can you get up?”

“I...probably could…but why? Unless to try again…”

“Because I want to take you home.”

Olaf sent a quick text to Axl. 

_lift your curse on anders_

Anders struggled to sit up. It took a bit and caused him pain, but at least he was sitting up. Pale blue eyes turned towards him.

“Do you still have that picture I took?”

Olaf blinked and pulled it up. “Yes-why?”

“Look at it and tell me what you see.”

“A rain drenched city.” He looked at the picture again, trying to see what Anders saw.

“But no people…”

The old man felt his heart break as he realized what Anders was getting at. There had been people worried about Axl, standing below and begging him to come down. There had been no one to do the same for Anders.

“Then why are you still up here and not…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Helen…” Anders’ head had dropped as if he were too tired to keep it up.

Olaf’s worry deepened. “Anders…Helen is dead. Mike and I buried her…” He didn’t bring up the fact that the eldest brother had compared her to a pet hamster in doing so.

“I know…” He sighed and if his face became a little wetter, then it could be blamed on the rain. “But it was her…she pushed me back, away from the edge. I…I guess I hit my head…”

Olaf’s cell went off letting him know he had a text. He pulled it out and read the single word message.

_why?_

_anders just tried to throw himself off a building and is bleeding_

“He won’t do it, you know. He’s protecting everyone from me…”

Olaf scowled as he looked up at the other man, noticing the slight trembling of the smaller body. “We need to get you out of this rain.”

Anders slowly got to his feet and managed to stumble to the stairs. He stopped to let the wave of dizziness pass, Olaf hovering next to him.

“Don’t worry, if I fall and break my neck, you’ll be hailed as the hero…” He said, giving his onetime grandfather a patented Anders smirk.

Olaf finally saw it for what it was- a mask. Something to hide how vulnerable he really was; how lost and alone he felt. In a moment of clarity, Olaf realized that even before Anders was banned from living touch, he was alone. There was no other way he could have perfected his mask except with years of practice.

Somehow, they managed to make it to Olaf’s vehicle. As Anders slumped in the passenger’s seat, his grandfather took a blanket from the back and covered the shivering blond. Though he didn’t acknowledge the cover, the trembling lessened a degree.

Olaf drove to Anders apartment, the silence of the trip almost deafening. But what do you say to someone who has become so lost that the only solution is death? What words of comfort do you give when you know you are part of the reason that person is so wounded?

He parked in front of the building and moved to get out of the car. Anders shook his head, motioning for Olaf to stay.

“No reason for you to get out. You can’t help me…” He almost smiled as the youthful old man started to protest. “Don’t worry- I won’t try anything more tonight. Promise.”

He closed the door without waiting for an answer, stumbling to the front door and opening it. Old eyes sadly watched. Anders was right, he couldn’t help. 

And though he promised not to do anything tonight, what about all nights following?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The Almighty Johnsons  
> Warnings: Read them as they apply to this chapter as well.  
> Mindless babble: Sorry this took so long. I really struggled with this chapter and I fear it shows.

Mike sighed as he let himself into the eerily quiet apartment. He had been knocking for the last five minutes with no answer yet he knew Anders was home. His car was out front and Dawn had confirmed that he was not in the office today. Nor had he been in yesterday either.

His brother was not in the kitchen or the living room which meant that he had to be in the bedroom. Mike suppressed a shudder. If Anders had spent the past two days shacked up with some bimbo…

He paused. That couldn’t be right- Anders couldn’t touch anyone.

The slightest trace of concern sprouted in his chest. As he slowly opened the door he abruptly backed up, the rancid stench of sickness hitting him. He took a deep breath before heading back in, where concern blossomed into fear.

Anders lay huddled in a fetal position on the bed. The blankets had been pushed off, though one sheet still cover half the shivering body. Even just holding a hand over his brother’s head, Mike could feel the heat. With a sigh, he stepped back into the living room and pulled out his phone.

“Hey, Olaf- Thing’s been cancelled. Anders is sick…. Yeah, it was probably because of that stunt you said he pulled…Yeah, yeah, I’ll take care of it…” He hung up. “Don’t I always?”

He huffed and stormed back into the bedroom, coming to an immediate halt. Anders was sitting up, blinking at him looking completely confused. The single sheet was wrapped tightly around the trembling body.

“Mike? …why are you here?”

The older brother tried not to flinch at the wet sounding cough that punctuated the question. He went and retrieved a glass of cool water from the kitchen, handing it to Anders after the fit subsided.

“Olaf wanted to call a Thing but you weren’t answering your phone.”

Anders tilted his head from side to side, as if looking for it. “I don’t know where it is…”

“We’ll look for it later,” Mike replied, stepping closer to the bed. “Drink the water.” 

The blond flinched but drained half the glass. “Why…a Thing…?”

“Don’t know-it was Olaf idea.” 

“But…why invite me? Last time there was a thing…” Anders turned his head, hiding his expression.

“Again, Olaf. Already told him it’s cancelled.”

“Then why are you still here?” He kept his head down and missed the flash of annoyance cross rugged features. 

“Good question. Grandpa seems to think you need help so I told him I would. I’m going to go draw you a bath. Think you can make it there on your own?”

Anders nodded silently as Mike headed into the bathroom. He was tempted to make the water as cold as he could but resisted. It was cool enough that it might break the fever but not so cold that it would cause hypothermia. 

He had just turned off the water when Anders stumbled in. Forgetting the curse for a moment, Mike reflexively reached out to steady his onetime brother. He hissed as his hand burned and he yanked it back. Anders let out a soft yelp of pain as he jerked away from the hand, hitting the wall and sliding down it. 

“Anders!” Mike watched as the younger man curled around himself, balking from his touch. 

He blinked, finally noticing how pale his brother was. And how thin-the ball and socket joint of his shoulder was too well defined as were each of the cervical and thoracic vertebra. 

“Anders…I’m not going to touch you, but I need you to get into the bath. We need to get that fever down.”

He heard the shuddering sigh and caught the slight nod as the man used the wall to stand up. Even though he tried to cover it up, Mike still noticed the pain lancing through the smaller body as he moved, stepping into the tub. He bit his lip, wishing he could just help guide him into the cool water. 

“C…cold…”

“I know…just pretend…you pissed off Ty again.”

The reply was so soft, Mike almost missed it. “Don’t need to pretend.”

***  
Mike returned to the bedroom after making sure Anders had more water to drink. First thing he did was to open the windows to let some fresh air in. Then he stripped the bed and put on clean sheets. Finally, he cleaned up the mess made when Anders apparently didn't make it to the toilet in time. He was headed back to the bathroom when he got a text from Olaf.

_bringing cold and flu meds_

He shot off a quick reply.

_tell Axl to lift curse_

“Alright Anders, let’s see if that fever bro- ANDERS!” Mike’s eyes widened as he dropped next to the tub where his brother’s head was fully submerged. Calloused hands hovered over the water, unsure of what to do. In that moment, he came to the horrifying awareness that the pale and boney chest was not moving.

“ANDERS!” Without thinking, Mike plunged his hands into the water and pressed against the cooled flesh. The result was instantaneous as the younger man suddenly sat up with a scream.

Mike fell back, hardly breathing “Anders? I had to- you had slipped under the water.”

The blond brought up his knees and wrapped his arms around them, burying his face. “I know…”

Mike felt his heart lurch. Maybe Olaf wasn’t imaging things. But that would mean he had just witnessed Anders' second attempt at ending his own life. And if that were true…

He shook his head as he drained the water before he threw a towel over the thin shoulders. “Come on, I changed the sheets on your bed and Grandpa is coming with some meds.” 

Anders stood and slowly got out of the tub. Using the wall to support himself, he made it to the bedroom and slumped on the bed. Shaking his head, Mike pulled the covers over the trembling body.

“He’s not my grandpa, you know…”

Mike scowled at his brother. “Just because Axl’s banished you from the family doesn’t mean we stop being blood family.”

Bloodshot blue eyes looked up at him. “Wasn’t talking about that.”

Against his better judgment, Mike sat down on the edge of the bed. “Then what did you mean?”

Anders rolled to his side. “Haven’t you ever wondered why I look so different from you, Ty and Axl? Why I’m smaller than even my baby brother?”

“You were born two months premature…”

Anders closed his eyes with a slight upturn of his lips. “Actually…only a month. Mom lied about when I was conceived.”

“Why would she do that?”

“Because your father isn’t mine…” He opened his eyes, fear and pain laid bare across his pale face. “Mom had an affair, a short one, but …I’m what came out of it."

Mike blinked, completely taken aback. “But…you’re a god…”

Anders nodded. “So was my father. Agnetha told me everything before I went to Norway. She even told me who he is.”

“Aaand…?”

“Tyr.”

“The god of war is your father?!”

Anders flinched in pain and Mike tried to calm down. He took several deep breaths before he asked his next question.

“Did you go see him?”

Anders tried very hard to hide in the blankets and pillows, his answer coming out muffled. “Yes…”

Even if it was subdued, Mike still heard the pain that one word caused. Something had happened between his brother and his father, something bad. But now was not the time to talk about it. Anders was weakened, in more ways than one, and this was a sore subject for him. There would hopefully be time later to talk about it.

Mike raised an eyebrow in surprise at his own reluctance. Just a few hours ago, he would have thought nothing of tormenting Anders with information like this. He knew what had changed. He had seen his brother die before, but it had been against his will-an accident caused by strong emotions and god shit. Then he had listened with half an ear as Olaf had described what he had found on the top of the parking garage. And now he had seen, first hand, how lost his brother had become.

“Get some sleep, Anders. We can talk later if you want.” He hesitated at the bewildered look his …half-brother was giving him.

It finally hit him. It was Anders that was hurting for what Bragi had done. And not just the thing with Gaia. As Mike looked back, he realized he blamed the man for a lot of what the god had done. All those times, it had been his little brother taking the sharp words and harsh punishments from his family. Was it any wonder that Anders had turned to sex and drugs for comfort? And now, Mike of all people, stood there, offering comfort to him. It was easy to see why the younger was confused.

The knock on the door saved him. “That would be Olaf with your meds…”

Anders nodded silently and shuffled deeper into the blankets. Mike left the room, quietly closing the door. He found his young looking grandfather at the front door. 

“Well?” he asked as he let the older god in.

Olaf shook his head as he set down a small bag and started to pull out several remedies. “He won’t do it. He doesn’t believe me.”

“Well, now he’ll have two of us arguing for it.”

The shaved head shot up. “He…tried again?”

Mike closed his eyes only to snap them open again as he saw the lifeless form of his brother submerged in his mind’s eye. He hated the way Anders had looked so serene laying under a shroud of water.

“He tried to drown himself…”

“There’s something else…” Olaf’s eyes widened as his Oracle power kicked in. “He told you about his father.”

“Tyr…”Mike shrugged as he picked up a box of pills. “He just said he met the man before he went on his trip. I got the feeling, it wasn’t a good meeting.”

“Yeah, the god of war isn’t known for being the friendliest of the gods. Especially after all the other gods laughed at him.” Olaf sighed as he found a glass and filled it with cool water. “Thing hasn’t been cancelled, Just postponed. We need to talk. As a family.”

“Can we still do that?” Mike wondered softly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The Almighty Johnsons  
> Warnings: Tissue  
> Mindless Babble: Sorry this is so late.

“Please…Axl- I don’t want to let him die alone…”

Ty pleaded with his youngest brother to lift the curse on Anders, so he could at least hold his older brother as he slipped from this world. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he wondered how this day had gone so horribly wrong…

***  
It had started ten hours earlier, when Olaf had called him while he was running. Ty paused under a tree in a parking lot to answer and grab a drink of water.

“Hey Grandpa- what’s up?”

“Thing tonight.”

Ty blinked as he swallowed the lukewarm water. “Really? I thought that was cancelled?”

“No. Anders was sick so it was only postponed.”

He sighed. “Is it really that important? I have a date tonight…”

“Anders has made two attempts on his own life.”

“What?! No way- Anders wouldn’t do that…” 

Even as he said that, he knew Olaf wasn’t joking. There had been that serious tone in his voice which was rarely ever heard. And then there was the fact that even Dawn had mentioned how distant her boss had been lately. He was even talking about closing up JPR. Ty tried to think back to the last time he had seen Anders. He bit his lip as it was the night Axl had gotten so drunk and they had to talk him off the parking garage.

His musing was interrupted by a soft beep letting him know he just received something. He took the phone away from his ear and opened the file. It was a rain blurred picture of the city. His expression darkened as he remembered where he’d last seen that particular point of view.

“Anders sent that to me.”

“Wh…what stopped him?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line. “He said Helen pushed him back from the edge.”

Ty thought about it and nodded, even though his grandfather couldn’t see it. “I believe it.”

“You do remember that Helen is dead, right?”

“And you’re the living incarnation of Baldr. I don’t see the problem here.” Still, a faint smile appeared on his lips. “Helen was a good woman and I really do think she loved Anders.”

“You mean Idun loved Bragi…”

“No, I mean Helen and Anders. She saved his life. Twice, apparently.” 

He remembered Anders telling him, Mike and Olaf about how she had distracted Natalie long enough for him to get away. Of course Mike had yelled at him, blamed what had happened with Gaia on Anders as well as bringing a god killer to the ceremony. It was only now that he was thinking about it, Ty remembered the hurt on his brother’s face, the denied hope he had when he had turned to their grandfather for understanding.

Olaf chuckled softly. “We need to have it at your place.”

“Figured as much.” He really had. If Anders was going to be there, Mikes place would be the last place that would make him feel safe. No, second to last. There was still Axl’s flat.

“We’ll make it for about seven. That way Anders will be off of work.”

“How are you going to convince Anders to come? We haven’t really been all that welcoming to him lately.” 

There was a soft sigh on the other end of the line, as if Olaf was acknowledging the truth of that statement. “Mike and I have been stopping by once a day to check up on him. It might be too little, too late but he’ll come.”

Ty nodded. “Alright. I’ll see about stocking up on the alcohol. Maybe make something to snack on when I get home.”

“If you can get Anders to eat, I’ll believe that another god soul entered you while you were asleep.”

He wasn’t sure why, but that didn’t even make him smile.

***  
He was taking the last batch of cupcakes from the oven when Mike, Olaf and a sulky Axl arrived. Their baby brother had tried to get out of coming by saying his car broke down. The plan had failed when Mike picked him up and dragged him to Ty’s house. 

“Hey, Axl- don’t look so gloomy.” He tried not to smirk at his own joke, but failed. “Have a cupcake. Ingrid did the icing.”

The goddess of wisdom smiled and offered everyone a brightly frosted mini-cake, but only Olaf took one. Axl glared at the woman as he flopped down on the couch. Mike scowled, opening his mouth to protest her presence. She beat him to it. 

“Oh, don’t you worry. I’m leaving. I just stayed long enough to help with the icing and keep Ty company until you got here. I’m meeting up with the girls while you boys do your manly thing.” 

Ingrid set the plate down and went to her room to get her shawl. She was still wearing that all knowing smile when she returned. “You boys have fun!”

Ty tried not to smirk as Axl watched the woman leave with a look of envy. Shaking his head, he made sure his brothers all had beers. He picked up the frosting bag, noticing something shiny next to it.

“Geeze…she forgot her keys again…” 

He grabbed them and ran out the door, sure Ingrid couldn’t have gotten that far. He just about rounded the block when he heard the familiar feminine voice speaking with a surprisingly less familiar masculine voice.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at that family Thing?”

“Supposed to be…”

Ty stopped at the strange tired sound in his older brother’s voice. It was something he had never heard before. Anders was never tired, but this voice sounded so world weary, he could almost believe Mike and Olaf’s stories.

“Then shouldn’t you be going instead of sitting here on your car?”

“Maybe…” Ingrid must have given him a look, because Ty heard a heavy sigh. “Last time we had a Thing, my baby brother nearly killed me. As far as I know, he’d still prefer me in such a state.”

“Well then, this may be a time for you to work things out, in a much safer environment than a construction zone.”

Anders made a soft huffing sound. “I doubt that very much. I’m thinking this is more of a time to tell me I messed up one too many times.”

“So you think they’ll just toss you to the wayside?”

Ty missed his brother’s reply, as it was too softly spoken to actually hear it. It must have been an affirmative since he heard Ingrid’s gentle cooing she made when trying to help.

“I know things have been bad about the Gaia thing, but that wasn’t your fault. It was Bragi.”

“Yes…but to my brothers, Bragi is Anders and Anders is Bragi. There is no separation. Not for me.” He sighed softly. “Never for me…”

Ty had heard just about enough he took a breath to step into the open when a cry of pain and a scream of fear reached his ears. Dashing out of the shadows, he saw his brother on his knees, blood gushing from his shoulder. Ingrid stood rooted to the spot from fear, her wide eyes taking in the god killer advancing on them.

“No!” Ty shouted, determined to keep the tall, lanky man from taking another shot.

Just as the man turned the crossbow on him, Anders lunged from his crouch, wrapping his arms tightly around the fanatic. The man screamed in agony as Odin’s curse inflamed his nerve endings. Ty saw the tears streaming down the smaller blonds face and knew him to be in intense pain as well.

“Anders…!”

“G…go! Get her out of here!”

Finally coming to his senses, Ty ran to Ingrid’s side, taking her hand. Before he could pull her to safety, the man gave one last scream, collapsing into unconsciousness. Anders let go, falling back as his own body went limp.

Ty let go of Ingrid and dropped down next to his brother, memories from the time they had spent together after Anders returned from Norway flooding his mind. He reached out, stopping just short of touching the cursed man. He looked up, tears of his own rolling down his cheeks as their brothers and grandfather joined them. There was a look of horror on their faces.

“Please…Axl- I don’t want to let him die alone…”

With eyes filled with fear and sorrow, the mortal vessel of Odin nodded once, lifting the curse from the brother he thought he hated. Ty gathered Anders in his arms, trying to put pressure on the wound while Mike pulled out his cell and Olaf moved to secure the hunter. 

“It’s alright Anders…I’m here… Stay with me…”

“No…Stick…Please? Not... this time…”

Ty lifted head as Mike froze. “Fine…but I’m still calling for an ambulance!”

“Okay Anders, no Michel. But please… please don’t leave me…”

“Ty?” The blond brother curled into his dark haired sibling, clinging to his shirt. “Don’t let go…”

“Never again, my brother…” He held his brother tightly, as if he could protect him from the coldness of death.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The Almighty Johnsons  
> Warnings: Tissue, Feels  
> Mindless Babble:Finally! The conclusion! Except, I think I have one more chapter. I think I might just make that into it's own little ficlet. My thanks to all those who Commented, gave me Kudos or even just read this story!

_If those letters on the marriage agreement were the trees, than these must be the mountains._

Axl watched the slow but steady climb and fall of the pale green light on the screen. It was better than watching air being forced into nonresponsive lungs or fluids full of nutrients being dripped into the emaciated body. Or feeling the bony hand loosing warmth as the will to live left the flesh without much of a struggle.

The young man sighed, finally looking down at his brother. The doctors had shaken their heads when Anders was wheeled from the emergency room. He was alive, but there was no fight left in the man. It was as if he had given up before even trying.

Blinking back tears, Axl lifted the thin hand. “Ingrid said you saved her, pushed her out of the way, taking the bolt yourself. She thinks you were trying to be brave and heroic. I don’t believe that- not after the stories Mike and Olaf told me. I think…I think that was your final attempt to end your life.”

He gently squeezed the skeletal appendage, desperately wishing for a response. “I hope…I really hope it fails.”

He sat down on the edge of the bed, no longer trusting his legs to hold him up, still clinging to the hand. Biting his lip, his eyes followed the outline of the nearly motionless body to a face so pale, it almost blended with the pillow under the blond head. At least the skin that was visible under the strap that held the breathing tube in place.

“Olaf…he said that the first time you tried, you told him it was so Gaia and I could be together again. I didn’t understand until I saw you laying there, clinging to Ty. You were willing to sacrifice everything for our happiness. “

He sighed as he tightened the hold on the hand he held as if his own Odin powers could keep his brother in the land of the living. “But…I don’t think you understand.”

Closing his eyes against the tears, Axl continued. “I wasn’t born into a world that held Gaia yet. I lived in a world without Gaia and I can learn to do it again. But I was born into a world with Anders. I took that for granted but I don’t think I can learn to live in a world without him.”

Tears escaped as he opened his eyes, rolling down pale cheeks. “I’m sorry, Anders- I’m so sorry! I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I’m sorry for ever letting you think your own family hated you. I…I’m sorry that I’m so pathetic that I had to wait until you’re nearly dead to tell you how much you really mean to me!”

A choked sob escaped around the closed throat as the youngest Johnson lowered his head to the bed. “Anders…please wake up so I can tell you…”

***  
Once again, a Thing had been called. Olaf, Mike and Axl sat at the counter while Ty got the beers and pulled a stool up to the counter. Exactly two weeks after the last one had been called and less that 24 hour since Axl’s plea to his brother, the Johnson family gathered at Ty’s home to speak of the one still missing.

“I spoke to his doctor this morning. There’s still no change and he doesn’t believe there will be one.” Mike stared at his hands wrapped around the bottle in his hands. “Except for the worse.”

Axl completely understood his big brother’s reluctance to look up. He heard the grief in Mike’s voice and knew it echoed in every heart present. He certainly felt the dull ache that came with ever beat of his heart. Both of them.

“We can’t give up on him!” Ty insisted.

“Mike…you need to tell them…”

Axl lifted his head at his grandfather’s softly spoken words. “Tell us what?”

The eldest brother appeared to be wishing for the power to vanish at that moment. Still not looking up, he said, “We lost Anders once on the operating table. He was dead for a full minute before they got his heart to start again.”

Ty blinked. “He’s…mortal?”

Olaf shook his head. “No, that’s the odd thing. Bragi didn’t leave.”

“But that’s a good thing, right?” Axl asked, lifting his head. “I thought Michel said that we heal faster because of our god souls…”

“We do, but the fact that Bragi didn’t leave is a bit worrisome.”

“Why?”

Olaf suddenly looked his age. “Because…if Bragi stayed in a dead body…”

“…It might mean that we damaged both the human heart and the god’s soul,” Mike finished, finally looking at his baby brother. “Bragi may want to die just as much as Anders.”

An overwrought hush fell over the gathered men, each lost in their own thoughts. The silence was abruptly broken by the ringtone of Mike’s cell. Pulling it out, he blinked back tears as the blood drained from his face. 

“It’s…it’s the hospital…” He answered the call, listening intently for a few moments. “We’ll be right there. Thank you.”

The tension in the room was making it hard to breath. Finally, Mike broke the spell by standing up. After that, it was a mad scramble to get to the truck. 

Unfortunately, the tension followed them even there.

***  
They collectively stopped at the doors of the hospital. None were ready for hearing the worse possible news to come from a place like this, not even after all this time they had to accept the inevitable. They had been through too much for this to become a reality. It was that fear of making it a reality that kept them rooted to the spot.

Mike sighed, once again being the one to break first. It amused him in a humorless way, that it would be Anders who would bring the family together like this- one thought, one mind. He had always believed that he would be the one to do that. Or Axl. Or Ty. But never Anders.

He stepped through the automatic doors, trying not to flinch at the sterile smell of antiseptics and cleaning agents assaulted his nose. He heard his family follow him as he led them through the white halls to the wing his brother was in. The nurse smiled as they arrived at her desk and motioned them to go ahead to the now too familiar room. 

Once again, they paused outside the room. Mike turned to the others and spoke softly. “Dr. Keller didn’t say why, but that we needed to get here quickly. I…”

Olaf gently squeezed his grandson’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Mike. We’re here. Together.”

Mike nodded, taking a deep and somewhat calming breath before turning back to the door and opening it. 

“A…Anders…”

Sleepy blue eyes set into an ashen face peered out from under short blond hair. Pale lips attempted to pull into a smile, only partially succeeding. The skeletal body lay on an inclined bed, his head resting on too soft pillow.

The man that had been sitting next to the bed stood up and smiled at the four shocked faces. “He started breathing on his own shortly after you left. He was starting to wake when I called you.”

Something brushed past Mike and it took him a second to realize it was his baby brother. Axl was at the bedside pulling his injured brother into an ever so gentle hug. Ty followed only seconds later, wrapping his arms around both of them.

Dr. Keller chuckled and walked over to where Mike and Olaf watched the three. “While he is awake and responding, you should be aware that he is not in the clear yet. He still has a lot of healing to do, both physically and mentally.”

“I know.” Mike nodded, feeling like his chest was being ripped apart by the storm of emotions brewing there. 

“Alright. I’ll leave you to your reunion. I’ll be in my office when you’re ready to talk about his treatment.” Dr. Keller patted him on the shoulder before taking his leave.

Mike and Olaf made their way to the bed where Anders was weakly clinging to his brothers like a man starved for the touch of another human. Mike lowered his eyes as he realized how true that statement really was. Cautiously, he took the hand that was feebly clutching the worn fabric of Axl’s T-shirt and slipped his hand into it. He was pleasantly surprised when it was softly clasped in returned. He saw Olaf’s happiness appear on his face as the same was done to his own hand.

“Don’t worry Anders,” Ty said softly. “We’re here and this time…we won’t let you go.”


End file.
